Demons

I have ulcerations that start at the back of mouth and go
down my intestinal tract, kinda uncomfortable, but what ever, they are going
away. It is stress related, to some extent. This is what makes great artists
though, right? Pain and frustration, not knowing how to deal with emotional
stress and bewilderment, oh yea, and intoxication, that is usual involved as
well.

Cailen is in a new country, a great experience, once in a lifetime. It is still
hard to be away, after almost 2 years of being next to each other every day,
almost every day anyhow. She is 15 hours tomorrow so it’s hard to figure out
when we can call each other, so email is working for now.

I am tired, was up at 430 am this morning and go to work by 640 am, latest, I
must be insane, I hate waking up early. I am here every day, early, the only
days I miss I must really be down.

I reconnected with an old friend, kinda like the Prophecy, you know, the book?
People make them selves there when you the coincidences… Bad use of grammar
but you get the point.

They say its good to write, just to do it, get this crap out in some form, it
has been so long, too long.

Here is the latest on the Alligator, not much further but I
had to restart due to a misconception I had on what sub it was. Mostly the same
though.

This week was kinda nuts; my family has left after what felt like quite some
time, sad kinda, it was real good to see everyone and to get to know people in
a different light.

By the way, I hate DR’s, they want you to see them, but wont give you an
appointment, and when they do, they tell you that they cant figure out what’s
wrong. Se`Lavie. Just a quick one today, maybe when I get some energy back will
have more to say, or to show.

Monday-
Woke up late after a long few weeks and this one could be the longest of the
year…
I keep getting in to these conversations of great mystical development and
evolution of a sort. The 2+2=5 trick, you know the one.

I was a Reverend-Rabbi-Cabbalist-Addict yesterday. I wed my sister and my now
brother-in-law. Think about that term. In-Law. Not in-blood. Did you ever have
a blood brother, or blood sister? Take the pin and poke yourself then share.

I finally figured out how this new art thing is going to work. Similar to the
trick, the cycles/spirals. So what’s next? You will see by the end of the year.

I have nothing profound to say today. Revolution.

This is quite amusing:

My immediate family is in town for my sisters wedding and I am sitting at a table with my father and others who are closest to me and my dad begins to story tell about his most recent discover of our lineages.

Turns out that somewhere back in the day a great-great-grand person with dominant genes gave us some oriental blood. I don’t mean as a gift, I mean there is some in my father, some in my siblings and myself.

So that makes me a Jewish-Oriental-Reverend-Quabalistic-Rabbi in my own right… I do believe that (there are 10 lost tribes of Jews) a great portion of them went the orient and Asia then over the Bering straight, so it makes sense, kinda.

This is my brother, and I not currently, but at some point in the past. I thought it was funny; I still make the same faces as back in those days.

There are very few times now a days that I can really feel like that again, free, mostly from my self, I am pretty wrapped up in my head, and when I meditate, man, that can make the down times even more congested and in almost a dictated chaos, vision, wondering if I am the same man.

My stomach has been turning lately, part of the disease I wonder?  I don’t think so. My guess is one of two things, either these new neutropics that I have been taking are disagreeing with me or the stress and conjecture of the soon to be future are taking its toll on me. Those of you who know me know what I am talking about…

I don’t know why I am having such a hard time with some of this, I am truly happy for all of it but I have this doomsday syndrome (which I have to say I really like about myself most of the time). It’s driving me crazy, I wish I could just be put at rest about it and focus on the art, the science, the remaining time.

Love you all

Got to work at 645 today, that’s AM for all you wondering, a bit late for me. I have my big big boss in town this week, but it doesn’t really change anything except my time. I am working on this recreation of a Civil war sub that went down somewhere, not aloud to talk of that though. I am finally, after how many freakin years?! Learning proper modeling techniques, shit, anyway. This is the conning dome…

I fell in love with this condo that is probly about $20-$40k too much for me, but maybe I can get in there, somehow, pray for me, to whatever ether you follow. If so I have plenty of room for my art, workstations, and even to live. So I will be taking on anyone who wants to help in some art.

Crazy dream last night, I dreamt that a good friend moved back to Seattle and some strange things happened there after, want to know what?

Back to the better of a broken world.

First post, I have decided that privacy is out the window
these days anyway, so why worry, I figure that if everything is on the open
then there is no room for criticism in the future, who minds any way?

One week till my sister gets married, I perform the ceremony, which is totally
nuts, considering I am completely crazy, don’t do well in front of crowds, and
really have no experience in this arena. It’s funny

Kinda

So besides that… I am starting a children story that is not intended for
children at all, and I am planning a Documentary about the effect of Capitalism
on the Khmer Rouge and the off shoots on the surrounding countries.

-c